Sunday, November 18, 2012

My awkward engagment

I've mentioned before that I am engaged. It's been this really weird thing for me this entire time.

Even when I was deep in the throes of active Mormonism, I had never wanted to get married as young as 21. When I was less active and before Colby and I started dating, I hadn't wanted to get married at all. But I've also always believed that when you have found the right person, then why should you wait?

Of course, all of this is deeply influenced by Mormonism because of the whole no pre-marital sex thing. People who are having pre-marital sex wouldn't feel the same rush to get married, and so the answer for them would be different. Obviously.

But either way, Colby and I had known each other for 11 years, and it had just finally clicked for us. I'm not going to explain any further because I'm being anonymous here, but also because I really don't need to validate my relationship to anyone. I know it is right, and I'm being very logical and practical about this, so that should be enough for everyone. (In case you couldn't tell, it isn't enough for some of my skeptical friends.)

I am very confident in my decision. However, I still feel very weird about being engaged. I've never been engaged before. It felt weird to go ring shopping when I had never worn a ring before. It feels weird to tell people that I'm getting married, and I generally don't. My coworkers didn't know I was engaged until we had been working together for over 3 months. I just don't really feel like being all "HEY, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT MY RING, MARRIAGE MARRIAGE MARRIAGE!"

Basically, I feel like I'm not fitting in anywhere. I'm not getting married in the temple because I don't want to. Because of that, and because I'm not very active or very squealing romantic ahhhhh! about this, I don't feel like I'm anything like the traditional Mormon engagements I'm seeing. Or what these Mormon moms in my parents' ward are expecting of me. I mean, I'm not taking his last name. I don't think many of them would understand that.

But on the other hand, I'm also not fitting in with the super liberal crowd that I usually feel more akin to. They're all out exploring their sexuality and looking down on cheesy, sappy relationships, of which weddings are just naturally a part of (yuck). I feel weird wearing my ring, and I feel like I have to explain to them. HEY! I'M STILL SUPER LIBERAL. I'M STILL NON-TRADITIONAL. DON'T BE FOOLED JUST BECAUSE I'M 21 AND GETTING MARRIED IN UTAH.

I guess I just have to be like, FUCK YOU GUYS. MY LIFE, MY AWESOME HUSBAND, GO AWAY.

I'll work on that. Maybe more in my attitude and less in actual yelling.

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