What your clothing "says" about you

Lately, in my internet sphere, there has been this kind of "war" about modesty. There are those who say modesty is important because it shows self-respect and keeps a man from having sexual thoughts about you - and there are those who say that modesty is all well and good, but doing it for the sake of others' is not the right way to go about it.

I think you can guess by now that I'm clearly in the second camp. I wrote about it last year here. You should also check out this great post by another Mormon feminist here; this one is responding to a video that's been making the rounds by Jessica Rey, creator of a "modest" swimsuit line.

One comment the above blog post ("To Every One That Believeth." Not my blog.) was something about what we were "says" something to everyone around us.

Actually, what she said was this:

Of course, I replied something snarky and said she must be exhausted all of the time from "evaluating" and "assessing" people. Although, I truly believe that this lifestyle does sound exhausting. You're already running errands, working, going to school, and trying to have fun - so while you're doing that, you're also turning your head every way to look at people, see what they're wearing, and judge them based on something as shallow as their clothing? 

The idea that a person "says" something with their clothing comes from pure commercialization. When you shop at Urban Outfitters, you're saying you're quirky and a hipster. When you shop at American Eagle, you're saying that you're preppy. But who decides that? The stores do. The commercials do. The commercials convince you that you need to represent yourself a certain way, specifically their way. And that way, you aren't going from store to store finding items that you like, but you're staying at one store and spending all of your money there. They've got you hooked. 

And are we really "saying" something with our clothes when we all shop at the same prescribed stores anyway? A store produces thousands, millions of the same exact item every time it creates a new piece of clothing. The chances of you running into someone wearing the same shirt as you is actually pretty high. So why do we think that we're "saying" anything unique with our clothing when we clearly have very little say in it anyway? 

Lastly, this is such an unreliable method to get to a decision anyway. Most of the time when you judge someone based on their clothing choices, you are wrong. What about the athletes who sexually assault women? The businessmen who embezzle? In my high school, a group of about 20 of the good-grade-honors-students-teachers'-favorites-athletes-who-got-into-good-colleges weren't allowed to walk at graduation because they got drunk on their way to prom and assaulted a police officer. Last week in the grocery store, despite the fact that my hair was a mess and I was wearing my cleaning clothes (and a wedding ring), I got hit on when I didn't want to. Most of the time when you try to "interpret" someone's clothing, you're going to get it wrong. 

From there, it's a slippery slope into victim blaming. That woman was wearing a low cut shirt and short skirt, which we all know means that she's "saying" she wants sex, so isn't it her fault that someone decided to "listen" to her clothing and not her words? Doesn't that make it her fault she was raped? 

No. It never does. Never ever ever. 

The same thing applies to women in bikinis. This woman, and many other champions of "modesty," are presuming that a woman who wears a bikini is doing it for the sexual attention she will attract. What we should be doing is thinking that maybe a woman in a bikini is wearing it because that is what she is most comfortable in, and she really doesn't care who looks at her. It's a cliche, but there's also that expression that we don't wear makeup for men, but for ourselves. Same thing with bikinis. 

Honestly, I really feel a lot of pity for this woman who posted the above comment. (Of course, I am judging her without meeting her and that's wrong, but ...) I can imagine that she is the type of woman who wakes up two hours before the crack of dawn because she can't stand to leave her house without her make up and hair done. And while many may think "oh, she's showing respect for those around her," really, she's just very insecure about herself. 

"Bossypants" and "How to Be a Woman"

My thoughts

I just read Tina Fey's Bossypants and Caitlin Moran's How to Be a Woman back to back. The funny thing is, they really are very similar. On the cover of Caitlin's book, someone has reviewed it as "the British Bossypants," and it's true! They both talk about the horrors of puberty, being a woman in a male-dominated workplace, their family, and their experiences as mothers.

The thing I like about both these books, besides being hilarious and easy to relate to, is that they're both gateway drugs into feminism. I mean that in the best way, of course. They are two individuals' experiences with feminism. Because it's so easy to understand, these books are a great introduction to feminism.

They aren't, however, the bottom line of feminism. Tina Fey has been criticized for this one line she has about how beauty standards have evolved to the point where one woman is expected to have body parts from all sorts of ethnicities. The way she comes across in the line is derogatory to women of color, or so I have read from women of color (I didn't find it offensive at first, but that could easily be my white privilege. It might also be that I read it differently than those critics did). I didn't like that both of them criticized other female celebrities, though the reasoning behind it made sense.

So while the books aren't hardcore feminism, or even inclusive, intersectional feminism, they are brilliant, funny, lighthearted, and have some great criticisms of everyday sexisms.

Your book club

Because these books are both very personal, your book club might get very personal too when talking about these books. It might just turn into story time. But that's okay! I think that's the point of both of these books, and that's what reading them encourages.

Here are some questions that will hopefully bring about awesome discussions in your feminist book club:

1. Talk about your experiences with puberty. Did your parents give you "the talk"? What are some conversations you had about growing up with siblings or friends? 
2. In Caitlin's book, she talks about what we call our private body parts. Do you think the names we use for our breasts and vagina are important? What are some of the names you hear that you do or don't like? 
3. What are some of the beauty standards you come up against? How have you had to fight them and learn to accept your body? Do you still struggle with some of them?
4. Both Tina and Caitlin have mentioned gay friends that they had. What do you think of their relationships with people who are homosexual? How do you think the gay community and feminism relate to each other? Can gay men understand some of the experiences of women in the patriarchy? (You could also talk about lesbian women in this discussion, but this is also a REALLY BIG discussion. You might have to try to reign it in.)
5. Both Tina and Caitlin use humor to talk about feminism. Tina even uses humor to bring feminist issues to a national audience. How does using humor help feminist causes? You could use rape jokes as an example in this discussion.
6. Both Tina and Caitlin have experienced sexism in the workplace. Both of them have had to fight for more female representation in male-dominated industries. How do you think things have changed for women as comedians and musicians? Are we making progress in those two fields? You might also want to share some experiences you have had in your own workplaces. 
7. Caitlin describes her first experience of being in love with Courtney. It's obviously an awful relationship, and Caitlin seems to know that, but she sticks with it. Why does she stay with Courtney for so long? Have you had a similar experience? Why was it so important for Caitlin to be in love?
8. What do you think of Caitlin visiting a strip club? What are your personal feminist views on women working in the sex industry? Do you agree with Caitlin's conclusions?
9. Caitlin describes her wedding and all the issues she has with the wedding industry. Do you agree with her? Did you have problems with your wedding, or have you been in a similar situation as her sister, Caz? 
10. Tina Fey tells a story about Amy Poehler saying to Jimmy Fallon "I don't care if you fucking like it." Talk about that. Talk about male privilege, too. 
11. Both Tina and Caitlin talk about motherhood, as well as how they bring their feminist outlook to motherhood. If you are a mother, talk about how you try to bring feminist ideals to raising your child. If you aren't, you can bring up goals you have for raising children in a feminist way. Is motherhood a feminist act? (Discuss Caitlin's chapter about giving birth for the first time. I absolutely loved that part. She made giving birth seem so empowering, like a she-warrior.) 
12. Talk about Caitlin's chapter on abortion. Do you want children? Do you think not having children is a feminist act?
13. Both Tina and Caitlin are white, mostly middle-class feminists living in developed countries. Discuss some of the privilege that comes with that, and maybe some of the privilege you saw in Tina and Caitlin. 
14. Now that you've read both books ... which one did you like better and why?

So there's a lot in there. SORRY. You could probably talk an entire 24 hours if you went thoroughly through every one of those questions. So just pick and choose what you and your book club will probably like. 

And I hope you enjoy the books!

Parents on Pinterest

So, lately I've been creeped out by stuff like this: 

I am not a parent. Maybe that means I don't have the right to judge because I don't understand. But I don't give a crap.

PARENTS. STOP DOING THIS. THIS IS CREEPY AND WEIRD.

Yes, you love your children a lot. Your love is super special. But you do not love your child like this. This all sounds like ROMANTIC love. 

Also, I really don't like the father necklace story because your father should not be "owning" or "possessing" your heart like this. The symbolism happening here of the father passing the heart on to the groom (which is not "literal," by the way, it is definitely figurative) is too close to when fathers would pass on their daughters as property. Not to mention, it's just way to damn cheesy for my taste.

The Carrie Diaries, Episode 1

I need to disclaimer this review by telling you all that I have never watched Sex and the City ever. I saw a commercial that involved four women talking about Brazilians and shoes and had no interest in it after that.

With that being said, I actually really liked the premiere episode of the prequel series The Carrie Diaries. I saw it on accident one night, or really, I watched it because I only have 10 channels and I absolutely hate Everybody Loves Raymond. 

The show features AnnaSophia Robb, the brilliant young child actor, as Carrie in high school. 

Things I liked about the show:

1. There is some diversity of characters, beyond just the token ethnic friend in the group.

2. Carrie generally takes her setbacks and makes them work for her, such as the incident with her mom's purse.

3. Carrie does have a teenage crush on the cute boy, but it's because she has previously spent time with him and gotten to know him, and not just because he's hot, new, and instantly popular.

4. When Carrie's friend (I forget her name) reveals that she had sex for the first time this summer, she describes it as "trying to fit a hot dog in a keyhole." I like that realistic depiction of young, first-time sex A LOT. I hate Hollywood glamorization of the first time you have sex with someone when it's really more like this:  

5. When Carrie has the choice between a new, exciting adventure (that we know leads to her eventual career) and going to a high school dance where her crush will be waiting for her, she chooses the adventure over the boy. She knows that things with Sebastian (her crush) will work out later if they are meant to. When she sees Sebastian with the popular girl later that night, she does not regret her decision, nor feel like this is a tragedy akin to the apocalypse. 

6. Carrie is a good friend, sister, and daughter. 

7. Even when she makes the reckless decision, she still is responsible enough to go home on time. She cares about her grades and swimming, and is excited about a new internship. 

8. When her dude best friend who is dating her other girl best friend (I know, it's confusing, but whatever) reveals that her girl best friend was lying when she said that they had had sex, Carrie does not act all gossipy about it. Carrie also respects her dude best friend when he confides that he wants sex to be something special (I forget what he actually said), a sentiment stereotypical of women, not men. 

9. Carrie, her family, and her friends have real problems, not just stupid high school problems. 

10. Awesome '80s clothes and music. Come on, who can resist that? 

You can watch the full episode here for free (at least for now. Sometimes they change that later. Sorry if things have changed!): CW's The Carrie Diaries.

Game of Thrones

Colby and I are currently obsessed with Game of Thrones. I got hooked onto the HBO series (because I absolutely love dramas that contain soft-core porn and Lord of the Rings-like settings), and then I convinced Colby to read the books. He quickly went from the books to the show. I guess it's fun to compare and contrast them.

If you've never seen it, just watch this intro:

If that epicness and awesome map art and Medevalish music doesn't get you going ... I don't know what will.

The thing that's amazing about this franchise is FUCKING EVERYTHING.

Okay, I'll scale back a little.

The thing that most impresses me about this story is the characters. The characters are amazing. Of course you've got the characters you love to hate, and the ones you love to love. But what truly impresses about them is how ROUND they are. These are some of the most fleshed out characters. It helps that the books tell a different character's perspective with each chapter; that also helps the story to stay interesting and for the audience to know all stories, even though the characters are often very physically far from each other. 

These characters all have wonderful depth. Take the Starks: Ned Stark, the brave and honorable father and husband, has always been loyal to his wife, Catelyn, except the one time he went to war and thought he'd never see her again and had a child with a prostitute. He does the honorable thing and brings his bastard son, John Snow, back with him and raises him the same as his other children. Catelyn, who is praised for being the perfect mother figure, actually hates John Snow. Though she is one of the "good guys," she snubs his character and treats him like an evil step-mother would. 

Then there's the Lannisters. The Lannisters would probably be the "bad guys," except for Tyrion, who is not only smart, but also very ahead of his time. Tyrion is one of the most loved characters of the franchise, which is why it is so hard to want the utter defeat of the Lannister family. His sister, Cersei, is a fascinatingly complex character. She is an absolute lioness, and, coupled with the fact that she is happily in an incestuous relationship with her twin brother, makes her an antagonist. However, she is also such a loving mother that it comes to a fault. The part I love best about her is her behavior towards Sansa Stark. To her, Sansa is the daughter of one of her enemies. However, because Sansa is betrothed to her son, Joffrey, she frequently takes pity on the young teenager.

I don't think I've given away anything, and even if I have, you still have to check out this show. I warn you that it is one of the most graphic shows I've ever seen, both in terms of gruesome, bloody violence and sexual situations and nudity. In fact, this funny chart shows that: 

Yup.

This show is so full of twists and surprises, and there's more to come! Colby is ahead of me in the story because he's reading the books, and I have to YELL AT HIM to keep him from spoiling it for me!

Go watch!

The Great Gatsby

I am super excited for Baz Luhrmann's upcoming version of The Great Gatsby. The novel has always been one that I've liked (though I haven't understand why it represents the American Dream, and other such stuff that English classes teach you about it) and now it is being done by one of my favorite directors. YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

The poster lies, however, because the release date changed to May. Major bummer.

The movie, from what I've heard, is inspired by art deco (as seen on the poster) and Kanye West's song "No Church in the Wild" (which I think is featured in both of the movie trailers).

The trailers are gorgeous and heart-wrenching. I am very excited about the soundtrack. Thus far, it sounds amazing. And remember Moulin Rouge? The music in that movie was SO GOOD.

Of course, it'll be a typical Baz Luhrmann. He's done the star-crossed lovers many-a-time. BUT THAT'S WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT IT!!! Because in the novel, you don't get the emphasis on the decadence of the roarin' 20s. These trailers alone are a VISUAL FEAST.

Guys, I'm not really even that much of a film nerd. BUT SERIOUSLY.

This one has the infamous line "You always look so cool" in it. I love that line. It's so ... paradoxical. Because Daisy says that line, and that's the line that gives away her affair with Gatsby to her husband. It's such a banal line, yet causes so much danger.

Enjoy. (You will). 

Perfect butts and Pinterest

So on Pinterest, I have this one friend who is constantly pinning different exercise pins. Every single day when I go on, she's got about 30 more. This may be a slight exaggeration, but only very slight.

Needless to say, she probably has an eating disorder. Especially since the occurrences of these pin rampages always seems to coincide with difficult breakups.

The theme of pins I seemed to notice today was how to exercise to get the perfectly shaped butt. For her, the perfect butt is the "bubble butt."

This is the bubble butt:  

Also, she's probably sticking her butt out, making it look bigger than it really is.

For others, the necessary butt workout can be the "bikini butt," the "Jessica Beil butt," the "tight" butt, the "LeAnn Rimes bikini butt," and so on. She even pinned this ridiculous-looking chart: 

Please, no one take this seriously.

There are so many good reasons all of these pins shouldn't exist, and my poor friend is the exact example of why. She is 22, and despite what she thinks, gorgeous. She is never lacking for male attention or compliments from others. Yet, she doesn't understand that she is perfect the way she is. She spends hours a day at the gym, puts herself on many different kinds of unnecessary diets, including the "military" diet, and never ever feels good about herself. After she moved out of the house we were sharing, I threw away a few years' worth of about three different health magazines. But she doesn't seem to realize that all of this, on top of about 300 Pinterest links to workout websites, can be seriously dangerous and harmful to her. 

And really, who wants to live their life that way? She is of average height and weight. There is nothing "fat" about her, especially given all the muscle she gains by exercising such an excessive amount. I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I've always called the "bubble butt" the "black butt," because the only people I knew who had them were black (or Greek, actually). The point I'm trying to make by saying that is that butts are genetic, natural, biological, whatever. You probably can't get the bubble butt, or Jessica Beil's butt, or whomever's, because your butt is your butt. 

I'm currently trying to work up the courage to tell this friend that I am worried about her. But in the meantime, I wanted to tell you all how sick I am of "thinspo," and of hearing women call themselves fat. Please, everyone, work on loving the body you are in. Trying this hard to achieve a body that you are not biologically made for is only going to make you unhappy. Changing yourself will not make you happy - only accepting yourself and loving your body for all of its supposed imperfections can do that.  

Star Wars Episode VII

I'm pretty torn about the news of Disney buying Star Wars. For one, George Lucas has been doing a terrible job with them lately. (Did anyone else notice how FUCKING TERRIBLE the acting was in Episode III? I hate to say that because I love Ewan McGregor, but still. If you don't remember, here it is:

It's kind of long, so only watch like, 4 minutes of it.)

But at the same time, we don't know if Disney is going to fuck it up either. There are some definite perks, like more Star Wars themed rides and stuff like that. More merchandise.

The newest news is that a screen writer has already been hired. Details here: http://pursuitist.com/arts/harrison-ford-open-to-another-star-wars-film/

And the fact that Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford are open to the idea of acting in the next trilogy is definitely very exciting. But how will that happen now that they are in their 60s and 70s?

I mean, they all look so different (pics from here):

Mark Hamill / Luke Skywalker

Harrison Ford / Han Solo

Carrie Fisher / Princess Leia Organa

Billy Dee / Lando Calrissian

I added Billy / Lando in because I figured he's also a character that could show up, if we end up following the story chronologically. Although, I haven't really read the novels or played the video games, so I have only a basic knowledge of what happens next.

What I'm most excited for is Mara Jade. Mara Jade is my favorite character in the extended universe (my other favorite characters are Padme and Leia though, so I obviously have a thing for the kickass female characters of this franchise). Mara Jade's story is all here: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Mara_Jade_Skywalker

This is my favorite picture of her from The Ultimate Guide to Characters or whatever the encyclopedic thing is called. I mean, look at her. She's a badass redhead Jedi, formerly a Sith, who wears the typical sci-fi women tight jumpsuit. So my favorite. My dream would be to have a Mara Jade costume.

I'm also looking forward to the Solo children, Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin Solo. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solo_family) 

Anakin Solo, the baby

Jaina Solo, Jacen's twin

Jacen Solo, who eventually becomes a Sith

See? There stories are chalked full of awesome and dark drama.

Except now Colby, who is more of an expert on Star Wars than me, is telling me that they aren't planning on using any story that has ever been told before. Nothing from any of the novels or video games or extended universe.

But they could still use these characters, right? I hope so.

YouTube(r) Highlight

One of my favorite things is this YouTube channel called "Feminist Frequency," by Anita Sarkeesian.

Feminist Frequency YouTube Channel

I think Anita is absolutely brilliant. She describes/teaches feminist principles in a succinct, clear, approachable, yet entertaining way. And then she does something that I've discovered I love since watching her videos: analyzes popular culture through a feminist lens.

She has definitely made me realize the importance of female stories, and how to treat female characters.

She inspires me.

So please, check it out some time.

Tardar Sauce the Grumpy Cat

My new favorite thing is Tard (short for Tardar Sauce) the Grumpy Cat. Like all cats, she is an internet sensation. But she's different, because he was born with a face that always looks grumpy. And for some reason, that makes her a million times more adorable and hilarious.

See? Grumpy and adorable forever!

Seeing Grumpy Cat makes everything better and more happy for me.

OH MY GOD, COULDN'T YOU JUST DIE?!?!?!

I have a terrible weakness for cats. My sister and I laughed forever at his meow. 

On a more serious note, I've seen people complain that her name being "Tard" as in "retard" when she was obviously born with some deformities. Don't be ignorant, people. Her name is Tardar Sauce, which is just as adorable as she is.

For more, visit her website: http://www.grumpycats.com/about-grumpy-cat/

They're going to sell 2013 calendars of Grumpy Cat!!! I will be purchasing one of those!