The "White Knight"

Today I want to talk about teh menz. Men in feminism are great. I really admire them and have had some really great discussions with them.

But there’s also a problem with male allies. They tend to have the “white knight” complex more than they should. What this means is that they’d rather say they are a feminist in order to impress somebody (I really don’t know who. Potential romantic partners? Themselves?) than actually BE feminists. 

Because being a feminist means a lot more than saying you’re a feminist. I wrote this post about how not every feminist should feel the need to be a super marching, protesting activist. That’s still true. But even if you aren't sticking it to the man is in a very obvious and dramatic way, there are still small ways that you need to do it. More than BEING a feminist, you need to actively make the world more feminist in some way.

So what do I even mean? How does one strike the balance between activist and small efforts?

For one, you need to live your life in a more feminist way. This will mean different things for different people, and it’s up to you to determine what that will look like in your own life. It’s not enough to say that men can often treat women terribly, or that women should be treated better by society in general. Yes, admitting that women are oppressed is the first step. The next is working against it.

How, you ask? These are a few suggestions:

Men:

• Examine the balance of housework between you and your wife/partner. Splitting it 50/50 isn’t the answer for every circumstance, but are you doing your fair share? Do you avoid tasks that don’t seem like “men’s work”? Does your wife/partner pick up the slack most of the time? If so, it’s time for you to actively rearrange your situation. (By “actively,” I mean discussing it with her and agreeing on it, not just making a resolution to do better.)
• Same thing with childcare.
• Do you speak out when your dudebros say offensive or sexist things? If not, you are helping perpetuate the problem.
• When you are on the streets, in a bar, or other situation, do you actively work to make sure the women around you feel safe? This doesn’t mean being chivalrous. What I mean is, if a woman is walking alone at night, cross the road and walk on the other side of the street so she doesn’t feel threatened by you. Seriously, you need to do that, because every woman is going to view you as a potential rapist whether you deserve it or not. 
• Do you actively work to make women more comfortable in the workplace? This means not interrupting them, encouraging/allowing them to speak out, creating better conditions for women, speaking up when dudebros say sexist things, and mentoring them. Check out “Lean In” by Sharyl Sandberg for more tips on that.
• Listen more. Do not dismiss the experiences of women. Pause before speaking up.

Women:

• Let men do all of the above things. Sometimes, women also have a hard time letting go of the status quo. It can sometimes be difficult for women to hand over the fair share of housework to men because they like the level of control they feel, or they don’t trust men to do it right. That’s dumb. Let it go. Let him make mistakes. Similarly, women don’t always want to give up the benefits that chivalry gives them. I’ll admit that I've felt special before when a guy opens a car door for me, or a group of men stand up when I walk into a room. I don’t anymore, because I hate chivalry. But I understand that feeling.
• Demand that men do the above things. You absolutely cannot wait for men to figure it out by themselves. Why would anybody do that? If you are unhappy with your present circumstances, speak up about it. No, you don’t want to be accusatory or call them a huge flaming ball of suckfest. But an open, honest discussion about your feelings is necessary. (“Demand” may be the wrong word because I do think that, lots of the time, you should be nice about this. But I’m keeping it because what I mean is that you shouldn't give up or settle for less. Stay firm in your stance and resilient in your efforts to get it.)

Really, this is all the tip of the iceberg. I could probably go on forever talking about ways that we can all work towards a better, more women-friendly world. Many other blogs have done so in a much better way than I have. I just needed to vent about the men who are feminist only in name, and not in action.

Do you have any experiences where this has happened to you? Do you have any other suggestions? Feel free to share!

Feminism Needs YOU

Hey everyone! I haven't written in a while because I finally got a job! It's pretty exciting, especially since I actually got a job in my field that I LOVE. Which means that I generally get all of my need to write satiated at work.

I've been reading Lean In by Sharyl Sandberg (finally!). Really, everyone should check this book out. I've seen some criticisms of it, but overall, it is a genius book. Women and men can really benefit from what she has to say.

I'm all hopped up on empowering feminist juices from reading it. Which is one reason I really love feminism, by the way - it's so empowering! I really feel like I can conquer the world after reading feminist books like this one. So I start thinking, everyone I know should read this. My little sister, who is also growing into feminism, should definitely read this. You see, I kind of feel like a feminist mentor to my sister. Obviously, I'm not the ultimate feminist, but I know much more about it than she does. And she's not as eager to dive into the deep end as I am.

To be honest, my sister began embracing feminism because of me. I'm not saying this to brag or anything. I started a Pinterest board dedicated to feminism, and she saw the images. Some of the things I shared about fat-shaming and body acceptance really spoke to her. She decided to reject all of the societal pressures that made her feel inadequate when it came to her appearance (it's a journey, of course, but that decision is the first and most important step). Eventually, after learning that she liked this part of feminism, she slowly started to listen to and adopt others.

She is not the only one. I'm obviously not a huge star on the Internet, but I can say that I have influenced others to similarly embrace or publicize their feminism. I have had two women actually tell me this, thanking me for my bravery in sharing feminist messages online. I've seen a few other women who are following me start their own Pinterest boards dedicated to feminism, re-pinning some of the material that I first pinned.

Again, not bragging - I'm not sure if my addiction to social media is something to brag about (though it did help me get my job!). But there are two takeaway messages in this random post:

1. Share your feminism! I promise it'll be worth it. It hasn't always been easy to me - I've had people argue with me over the things I've posted, people stop following me, old acquaintances see me in a different light, etc. But I feel that the few people I have influenced are worth it. 
2. Online activism is important. It may not be as dramatic or difficult as marching in the streets, but it can be very powerful in a different way. Sometimes, people aren't going to be swayed by protestors, though they make a very impacting statement. But you will be able to reach those who are open to new ideas, if only the ideas are presented in the right way for them to digest. Really, there's a lot more someone can learn from reading an article or personal experience than a demonstration. Not to put down traditional activists - they are, of course, doing amazing and awe-inspiring work. I'm just saying that not all of us are cut out for doing that kind of thing, and we shouldn't feel guilty because we can do amazing things digitally. 

So be a feminist! Share the empowerment with other women! 

What your clothing "says" about you

Lately, in my internet sphere, there has been this kind of "war" about modesty. There are those who say modesty is important because it shows self-respect and keeps a man from having sexual thoughts about you - and there are those who say that modesty is all well and good, but doing it for the sake of others' is not the right way to go about it.

I think you can guess by now that I'm clearly in the second camp. I wrote about it last year here. You should also check out this great post by another Mormon feminist here; this one is responding to a video that's been making the rounds by Jessica Rey, creator of a "modest" swimsuit line.

One comment the above blog post ("To Every One That Believeth." Not my blog.) was something about what we were "says" something to everyone around us.

Actually, what she said was this:

Of course, I replied something snarky and said she must be exhausted all of the time from "evaluating" and "assessing" people. Although, I truly believe that this lifestyle does sound exhausting. You're already running errands, working, going to school, and trying to have fun - so while you're doing that, you're also turning your head every way to look at people, see what they're wearing, and judge them based on something as shallow as their clothing? 

The idea that a person "says" something with their clothing comes from pure commercialization. When you shop at Urban Outfitters, you're saying you're quirky and a hipster. When you shop at American Eagle, you're saying that you're preppy. But who decides that? The stores do. The commercials do. The commercials convince you that you need to represent yourself a certain way, specifically their way. And that way, you aren't going from store to store finding items that you like, but you're staying at one store and spending all of your money there. They've got you hooked. 

And are we really "saying" something with our clothes when we all shop at the same prescribed stores anyway? A store produces thousands, millions of the same exact item every time it creates a new piece of clothing. The chances of you running into someone wearing the same shirt as you is actually pretty high. So why do we think that we're "saying" anything unique with our clothing when we clearly have very little say in it anyway? 

Lastly, this is such an unreliable method to get to a decision anyway. Most of the time when you judge someone based on their clothing choices, you are wrong. What about the athletes who sexually assault women? The businessmen who embezzle? In my high school, a group of about 20 of the good-grade-honors-students-teachers'-favorites-athletes-who-got-into-good-colleges weren't allowed to walk at graduation because they got drunk on their way to prom and assaulted a police officer. Last week in the grocery store, despite the fact that my hair was a mess and I was wearing my cleaning clothes (and a wedding ring), I got hit on when I didn't want to. Most of the time when you try to "interpret" someone's clothing, you're going to get it wrong. 

From there, it's a slippery slope into victim blaming. That woman was wearing a low cut shirt and short skirt, which we all know means that she's "saying" she wants sex, so isn't it her fault that someone decided to "listen" to her clothing and not her words? Doesn't that make it her fault she was raped? 

No. It never does. Never ever ever. 

The same thing applies to women in bikinis. This woman, and many other champions of "modesty," are presuming that a woman who wears a bikini is doing it for the sexual attention she will attract. What we should be doing is thinking that maybe a woman in a bikini is wearing it because that is what she is most comfortable in, and she really doesn't care who looks at her. It's a cliche, but there's also that expression that we don't wear makeup for men, but for ourselves. Same thing with bikinis. 

Honestly, I really feel a lot of pity for this woman who posted the above comment. (Of course, I am judging her without meeting her and that's wrong, but ...) I can imagine that she is the type of woman who wakes up two hours before the crack of dawn because she can't stand to leave her house without her make up and hair done. And while many may think "oh, she's showing respect for those around her," really, she's just very insecure about herself. 

Conference Weekend

Such an exciting weekend! So many things happened!!! And I was able to stay in my pjs in bed for all of them!

So first, TWO women prayed in General Conference!!! All you naysayers better shut up, because the bottom line here is that WOMEN PRAYED IN GENERAL CONFERENCE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALL OF RECORDED CHURCH HISTORY. There are still some critics yelling at the contributors to the Let Women Pray movement about how we don't understand revelation, how the pray-ers were selected months ago, how God decides things and not us, blah blah blah. It's all a bunch of negativity, and whether or not those commenters are intending to, they're really tearing us down. Choosing to ignore and just celebrate.

Let's get a picture in here:

Second, a project I've been a part of just kicked off this weekend! The project is "I'm a Mormon feminist." We put together a website, http://mormonfeminist.org/, and we are gathering lots of submissions. We have pictures of Mormon feminists holding signs, profiles featuring Mormon feminists, and videos of Mormon feminists telling their stories. It's all pretty exciting.

If you want to extra support us, we also have a Facebook page, Twitter account, Pinterest account, and YouTube channel. We're all over the place!!!

Facebook: here

Twitter: here

Pinterest: here

YouTube: here

Like and share all of our stuff to spread the word!!!

This is me!!! And I am awesome!!!

And lastly: I was a guest blogger over at Young Mormon Feminists, which is just about the coolest thing ever. Young Mormon Feminists was one of my first introduction to Mormon feminism, and I really love them and everything they do. 

Check it out here!

So yay everyone! Happy MoFem/Conference weekend!!!

Parents on Pinterest

So, lately I've been creeped out by stuff like this: 

I am not a parent. Maybe that means I don't have the right to judge because I don't understand. But I don't give a crap.

PARENTS. STOP DOING THIS. THIS IS CREEPY AND WEIRD.

Yes, you love your children a lot. Your love is super special. But you do not love your child like this. This all sounds like ROMANTIC love. 

Also, I really don't like the father necklace story because your father should not be "owning" or "possessing" your heart like this. The symbolism happening here of the father passing the heart on to the groom (which is not "literal," by the way, it is definitely figurative) is too close to when fathers would pass on their daughters as property. Not to mention, it's just way to damn cheesy for my taste.

Feminist& Mormon Resources

Hey guys!

SO! Lately, I've been looking not only into feminist articles/people/etc., but more specifically into Mormon feminists. IT'S BEEN GREAT. I love it. There's so much to learn! And to have people who are almost EXACTLY LIKE ME, with the same questions, concerns, dislikes, and the same exact feeling of being different. Because, let's face it, Mormonism can be very homogeneous, and being even slightly different can make you feel like you stick out waaaaaaay too much.

So it's nice to have some solidarity, even if it's just over the internet.

I wanted to share a few things I've found with you. It's not a perfect list of resources, but just some great findings I've had over the last week.

My two favorite things:

1. One is a list of the ways Mormon Male Privilege exists. It is here: Mormon Male Privilege
2. The other is an article on female exclusion in the Book of Mormon, and how that affects LDS women (very enlightening): Women in BoM

Both of these I found from a collective Pinterest board called "Feminism and Mormonism," found here: Feminism & Mormonism. This board regularly features Ask Mormon Girl, Feminist Mormon Housewives, and The Exponent, all websites that feature educated feminist Mormon women and that I've found something that I enjoy/have learned from.

Lastly, there is a large community on Facebook that I'm only partially aware of. You can start finding them through this page called "Let Women Pray in General Conference," here: Let Women Pray. A lot of them are the same group of women that started the campaign of wearing pants to church.

Enjoy!

Edit: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, HOLD THE PHONE! I found another one: Women Advocating for Voice and Equality.

 

More sexism on Pinterest

It is no secret that Pinterest is dominated by women. The nature of Pinterest has become pictures of dresses, hairdos, cleaning tips, decorating advice, wedding planning, cutesy pictures of babies, sewing, etc. - all interests dominated by females (whether they should be or not). The few men on this social network are sadly, though understandably, outnumbered.

Which is why you end up getting many pins like these ones:

There's nothing really wrong with this one, except that there's only a woman in the picture. 

... and on and on and on. I've seen gift guides for husbands, sexy 12 days of Christmas for husbands, etc.

And all of them give good advice and ideas. I don't think I could really argue with "a marriage is made up of two good forgivers" and "use kind words."

My issue really comes from the fact that all of these are advice blogs are for wives on how to treat their husbands right. Although the advice is generally very gender neutral, it gets directed specifically at the women. I don't think I've ever seen one directed at men (though I have seen this excellent one by a man that is not necessarily gender specific: http://www.danoah.com/2012/10/16-ways-i-blew-my-marriage.html).

I understand that it is generally women who are writing these blogs, so it makes sense to give advice as a wife to another wife. But I really wish they wouldn't. I believe that by directing this advice solely towards women, they are putting all the responsibility on the young women reading this to work on their marriages. If these bloggers never specified which person in the relationship the advice was for, maybe young women would be more likely to share the articles with their spouses after finding it on Pinterest.

So please, fellow bloggers who might be reading this: Make your advice gender neutral. After all, don't we want husbands to be respecting and putting forth as much effort into their relationship as wives?

Taking God out of things

I am home for the holidays!

My parents have recently moved to this very odd community in Southern California. I say it's odd because it's not far away from busy, thriving, ginormous cities, but it only has a population of about 22,000. It's two square miles large. And everybody seems to know everybody, either because they all went to high school together, their families have been in this area forever, they go to church together, or their kids go to school together.

Also, everyone here is super rich. The average family's house probably cost about a million dollars because housing is so expensive here. (Maybe that's exaggerating. But there are seriously a lot of wealthy people here. Tag Romney used to live here. Seriously.)

It's very strange.

And I HATE going to church here. I always go to the LDS church. And it seems like every single time, one of the extremely wealthy white privileged people (who are way more privileged than even your average white person) is making some sort of dumbass, ignorant comment.

This week, it was in reference to the Connecticut shootings, as well as other tragedies that they were glumping in there. A woman said that these tragedies are happening because we are trying to legislate God out of everything, and take God out of everything.

I was very angry at that remark, and then I saw this on my Facebook:

Apparently the White House referred to Christmas Trees as “Holiday Trees” for the first time this year which prompted CBS presenter, Ben Stein, to present this 
piece which I would like to share with you. I think it applies just as much to many countries as it does to America . . . 


The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejewelled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crib, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her: “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said: “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbour as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. 
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

First of all, Ben Stein only said about the first four paragraphs of this. Does the rest of this "pass it on or feel guilty" bullshit really sound like something a famous satirist would say in an interview? NO.

Second of all ... what the hell? Really, people? I'm kind of ashamed to have you as Facebook friends. (Slightly embarrassed that my mother liked it, but she's kind of a whore when it comes to liking Facebook things.)

The White House has many different people from many different cultures, customs, backgrounds, countries, beliefs, etc. visiting it every day. If they choose to be sensitive in what they call a fucking TREE, I find that commendable. Maybe the people who visit the White House don't think it's necessary, and maybe no one while be offended by a "Christmas Tree." But I believe that it is the thought that counts, and showing that they care enough to try to be sensitive is a good thing.

The comments of this viral post and the woman in church are both ridiculous. The world is changing and becoming more diverse, so it will never be as religious as their "good ole' days." People are going to be generally less religious as time goes on.

But none of that will affect individual religious families. If a family wants to be religious and have God in their lives and homes, they will ensure that it will happen, no matter what is going on outside of their door.

This is also what annoys me about "Keep the Christ in Christmas" and "Remember the reason for the season." I, personally, love being very spiritual around Christmas time. It's really the only time of the year that I enjoy it. However, I find that it is very wrong to try to force that on other people. If people want to celebrate Christmas without being religious, and with being shallow and spending hours playing video games, then let them. How does their behavior change your spirituality?

Also, I really disagree with the logic that God is going to punish us as a community. Or abandon us as a community. That kind of thing is what God allegedly did in the Old Testament, and I really don't believe he does that anymore. I guess that's kind of a matter of opinion.

But seriously, this Christian majority martyr thing is so pathetic. No one is persecuting Christians in this country (except I've heard that maybe in some parts of Utah people are being bullied for wearing cross necklaces. That is ACTUAL persecution). Christians do not need to be upset that the rest of the country is becoming more sensitive and belief-neutral.

Ugh. People. I hate them and all of their ignorant bullshit.

Blogger Highlights

Here are a few blogs that I LOVE. They're all Feminist, so ... they're awesome!

http://critiquingadvertising.wordpress.com/ This blog critiques magazine advertisements, like so:

Brilliant, right?

And this one: http://fiercefeminists.wordpress.com/. Written by a high school student in a feminism class, I gather. Which is pretty impressive. Why didn't my high school offer classes in feminism? Where is this super progressive high school?

But my favorite blog of all-time (at least for the past few months) has been The Pervocracy. http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/ Cliff Pervocracy is a wonderfully elegant, intelligent, and hilarious blogger. She also likes to point out the rampant objectification and ridiculousity in Cosmopolitan, but she also shares some very personal stories about her experiences with sex and the BDSM community. Although I'm not into BDSM myself, I feel like she's taught me a lot about being open and communicating fully about sex.

In fact, her viewpoint on communicating about sex has made me realize how ridiculous I've been in all of my relationships in the past. I think we all get this idea about sex that your partner should just be able to guess what you want, and that it's embarrassing to explicitly tell them. I'm not sure if that's just the Hollywoodization of sex, or because our society isn't into saying words like "penis" and "vagina," but I feel like it definitely exists. 

I also think that I've been doing that in situations that aren't about sex. When I'm angry/sad/insecure, I've expected exes to just figure it out themselves. I'm sure that frustrated them, and, on top of me being disappointed in them for falling short in an expectation I shouldn't have had of them, that caused problems. 

So, since reading Pervocracy's blog and being inspired by her openness, I've made habit of becoming more open with my current partner. Things have definitely worked out for the better in every situation.

This post became oddly personal ... oh well. Check out these blogs!

Swearing like a fucking sailor

I checked my Twitter today and found this:

And I don't have to blur out the names because it's already public!

So Retta is an amazing actress from the TV show Parks and Recreation, which I love for so many amazing reasons. Her character is also an awesome feminist character whose virtues also include just being different from every other fucking character in sitcoms and being funny.

Not that she needs any defending, seeing how she clearly does not give a fuck, but I'm still on the side of the ladies below. And not just in this instance, but in all of my life.

Because in case you didn't know, Mormons, and well, just people in general, are super against swearing. They, like the man in this feed, seem to think that it is a moral code that needs to be followed by everyone in every part of their lives, instead of realizing that some people do not feel the same.

I've heard it all before. Swearing is a sign of unintelligence. Of the swearer not having enough creativity or a wide enough lexicon of vocabulary to come up with some better word.

 I just want to point out that those people are using replacements like "flip" and "fetch." Wow, way creative, way different from "fuck." I mean, they're obviously not coming up with things like "dinosaur poops!" or something that would actually impress me. And make me laugh.

But seriously. I'm an English major. I've probably read more than the average person times five. I can pull out Shakespearean insults (not enough to win a competition, but enough). This isn't a matter of me being uncreative or unintelligent.

This is a matter of me just liking to swear. Same goes for people like Retta. And while I will respect your wishes to try not to swear if you politely ask me to while we are together, I'm not going to stop cussing in my spaces.

Besides which, it has been scientifically proven that swear words actually register in a different part of your brain than other words, and are given a much different meaning cognitively. That's why when old people get Alzheimer's disease or whatever, they're still swearing while they're forgetting other things.

So really, there is no replacement for swear words. FUCK YEAH!

When Republicans make sense

Every once in a while, I see a Republican argument that actually makes sense to me. Like as in logical sense, a good argument, not as in now-I-believe-that-too sense. I don't see many of those, and I see a lot more liberal arguments that are both logical and in line with my beliefs, which is why I'm a hardcore scary Democrat. Mwhahahaha.

But believe it or not, I'm actually very pleasantly surprised when I see this. I mean, I'm young and just barely caring about politics (within the last year or so), so I'm also at the point where I sometimes feel like my friends and family who are siding with "the bad guys" are either ignorant or also bad guys. Either way, it's really nice to understand more why people believe a certain thing, instead of just being presented with constant evidence that they are either ignorant or backwards in their thinking.

Sorry, Republicans. But you know you're thinking the same thing about Democrats. Or you're not and you're a better person than I am right now.

So here's what I discovered on Pinterest:

And you know what? I really don't have much of a response for that.

Except that insurance that doesn't want to cover birth control does cover Viagra, and that's ridiculously sexist.

Plus, it's better for the entire economy of the country, and the welfare of the country, that we have a smaller population. And it's been shown that in countries where women have more access to birth control, the entire economy/country does better.

So, I'm not changing my beliefs on this one.

But touche, random conservative pinner.

Annoying Facebook Things

Now, I live in Utah - and even if I didn't, I was raised LDS - so as a young women in her early 20s, a lot of girls the same age as me are getting married. For a lot of reasons, I'm uncomfortable with that, but there's too many to go into right now. Also, I'm getting married in 36 days ... so I don't really have a leg to stand on ...

REGARDLESS!

Like I said in a previous post about how unhappy I was with these newly-wedded wives being super ecstatic over her husband "letting" her buy a dishwasher, I completely understand how excited these girls are to start this new, different, happy chapter of their lives. I do! I've been getting Bed, Bath, and Beyond packages in the mail for weeks now! (Which has caused an intense vendetta with the UPS guy, but I digress ...)

But OMG GIRLS! DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS?

This bothers me for two reasons:

1. Everybody eats dinner. It's really not a big deal. Nobody cares what you ate, or if you did a good job making it. Nobody wants you to take a picture of it, either. 
2. I only ever see girls post this. Girls who tag their husbands in the status, or write statuses that say "made this for hubby!" Stuff like this really enforces back-ass-wards, 1950s gender roles, and is harmful to both members in your marriage. 

People who dislike Mormons

We all know that I'm crazy, right? Okay then.

So, there are a lot of Mormons I hate. Not because they are Mormon, but because a lot of Mormon culture is stupid and backwards.

But this post is about how I hate people who hate Mormons. (Or really, people who hate anyone based off of stupid stuff like their religion, race, gender, sexuality, abilities, etc.)

For people who are living in Utah but have not lived here their whole lives, it is very easy to see that a dichotomy exists between the Mormons (who have become more intense Mormons than anywhere else) and the non-Mormons (who have also become more intensely non-Mormon because they live here). And while Utah Mormons can always be annoying, it seems like the non-Mormons are more belligerent and stupidly angry about dumb things. They also try a lot harder to be not Mormon.

We'll start off with this Facebook interaction. One of my friends posted this lovely picture of a street in Downtown Salt Lake City:

This picture isn't mine, but telling you whose it really is would destroy all anonymity ... 

In case you can't read it, one of the comments is "See how there is almost no one on the sidewalk, no cars in the VERY wide streets ... SLC is not as much a city as it is a township with a lot of Mormon money."

What the hell?!

Well, okay, the very wide streets are the fault of a Mormon. When Brigham Young, the second president of the LDS church, first started to lay out plans for SLC, he did require that the streets be big enough so that a horse-drawn carriage could make a 360 in the middle of the road, or something like that.

But seriously, even if Mormons did, in fact, fund this modern-day street (they probably didn't, unless you're counting regular taxes) - how is that a bad thing?! Why are you even complaining about a street in the middle of a busy city being wide and not very crowded?

Similar to that is a comment made on this random list of top 100 sci-fi and fantasy books, or something like that: http://www.npr.org/2011/08/11/139085843/your-picks-top-100-science-fiction-fantasy-books

We have to add that this person tried to sound intelligent, but still made grammatical errors. :(

Okay, more ridiculousness. While it is totally fine that this guy dislikes Ender's Game (I happen to like it, but I can see why other people don't), his other comments are baffling. I sincerely doubt that most Mormons even know who Orson Scott Card is, or what Ender's Game is. Maybe a few of the older ones do, or a few who read a lot. But like any religion, or really any group of people that are brought together by something in common other than intelligence, what percentage of them do you think actually enjoy reading novels?

Sure, it was a stupid list. But I can tell you all now, as someone who grew up LDS, there is no conspiracy. Ever.

Except maybe with Desseret Book publishing novels just because their authors were LDS. Like Leven Thumps and Fablehaven. Those books suck.

Ender's Game was not published by Desseret Book, or by any publisher that would care that the other is sometimes Mormon (he grew up in Utah, but I've heard that he isn't always active). Ender's Game has also won a Hugo Award and a Nebula Award, two of the most prestigious awards for the science fiction genre, as well as other awards and nominations.

And to tell you the truth, out of the people I know who have read the book, only one didn't like it, and he was Mormon. He disliked it because he didn't like little children swearing so much.

So THERE.

YouTube(r) Highlight

One of my favorite things is this YouTube channel called "Feminist Frequency," by Anita Sarkeesian.

Feminist Frequency YouTube Channel

I think Anita is absolutely brilliant. She describes/teaches feminist principles in a succinct, clear, approachable, yet entertaining way. And then she does something that I've discovered I love since watching her videos: analyzes popular culture through a feminist lens.

She has definitely made me realize the importance of female stories, and how to treat female characters.

She inspires me.

So please, check it out some time.

Tardar Sauce the Grumpy Cat

My new favorite thing is Tard (short for Tardar Sauce) the Grumpy Cat. Like all cats, she is an internet sensation. But she's different, because he was born with a face that always looks grumpy. And for some reason, that makes her a million times more adorable and hilarious.

See? Grumpy and adorable forever!

Seeing Grumpy Cat makes everything better and more happy for me.

OH MY GOD, COULDN'T YOU JUST DIE?!?!?!

I have a terrible weakness for cats. My sister and I laughed forever at his meow. 

On a more serious note, I've seen people complain that her name being "Tard" as in "retard" when she was obviously born with some deformities. Don't be ignorant, people. Her name is Tardar Sauce, which is just as adorable as she is.

For more, visit her website: http://www.grumpycats.com/about-grumpy-cat/

They're going to sell 2013 calendars of Grumpy Cat!!! I will be purchasing one of those!

Things that bother me on Pinterest

Hello, Readers!

For today's edition of Things Angry Ally is Angry About, we are going to talk about one of the things that bother me on Pinterest. This particular "cute" post was pinned by someone I follow:

Now, the issue I have with this, besides the fact that I hate these "misunderstood quirky girl" posts, is that it promotes rape culture.

(I hate to go all serious on you and use the "R" word, but really, I don't. If you knew me, you'd know that I like to angrily use the phrase "rape culture" a lot.)

What is Rape Culture? I'll save you the trip to Wikipedia:

Rape culture is a concept used to describe a culture in which rape and sexual violence are common and in which prevalentattitudes, norms, practices, and media normalize, excuse, tolerate, or even condone sexual violence.
Examples of behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, sexual objectification, and trivializing rape. 

Now you know.

So a post like this one, which says "She'll scream and fight you, but secretly, she'll love it," promotes the Scarlett O'Hara rape myth that victims like to be raped.

Scarlett O'Hara and her husband in Gone With the Wind.

This is not true. Victims NEVER like to be raped. 

And, as a Feminist and a frequent victim of tickling, I also hate "Tickle her, even when she says stop." Okay, well, that's just horrible. All the years of health teachers and PSAs trying to teach men that "no means no" just completely undone by this post.

Now, you're all going to ask me what tickling and throwing girls into pools has to do with rape. You probably see it as one of these: 

But teaching young boys that it is okay to physically overpower girls in a playful situation can easily escalate (ha) into other situations. It is never okay to teach boys to ignore girls when they scream or say "no."

Social Media Language

I am a frequenter (read: addict) of Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Instagram. I mean, what else am I supposed to do in class when the grad student who is our teacher drones on and on about the folds (the folds!) in the clothing in the particular painting we are looking at?

(Self Portrait by Artemisia Genteleschi. See? Folds. Which can be kind of cool. But not when you talk about it over and over and over.)

Back to the social media platforms. See, something about them have been bothering me of late.

It's the wording that people use.

On Facebook, I see status updates like this: "Hubby just bought me a new stand mixer! So excited!" or "Hubby finally let me buy a dishwasher! Yay!"

First of all, I have many problems with the word "hubby," but that is a matter of opinion and you shouldn't listen to me if you like it. The real problem I have with a post like that is how sexist it is. Readers might not think its sexist because it was posted by a female, but it still is.

What I'd rather see is something like this: "Hubby and I finally bought a stand mixer! This will make cooking so much easier for the both of us!" or "Hubby and I made a huge, grown-up financial decision and bought a dishwasher!"

Your husband may have been the individual who made the purchase, but (if you share your finances in a traditional way), he did not buy you that stand mixer. If you have all of your finances combined and share a bank account, then you both bought that stand mixer. He also never "lets" you buy anything, because this is not the 1950s, and you do not have an allowance that he gives you. The two of you may have decided on a budget together that you choose to adhere to, but you are also an adult who is allowed to make whatever decisions you want regarding money.

Readers, I'm really sorry for using the word "hubby" so much.

The moral of the story is that I really just feel bad for these young women. All of the ones I'm thinking of are under the age of 23. They're all really excited about their new marriages and starting a life and a home of their own, which is understandable (and, I think, a pretty awesome phase of life). The problem comes when these girls adopt retrograde family, marriage, and domesticity models, for which I blame their mothers, the false, idyllic images they have in their heads, and, often, a misuse of common religious values.

It probably means next to nothing at this phase of their lives. They're excited to try out new ideas that they get from Pinterest and to use all of the kitchen gifts they were given from their wedding registry. I doubt that most of their husbands are trying to push them into old-fashioned and demeaning roles (although, I could be wrong). But if wives start their relationships out a certain way, down the line, years from now when they finally decide that they are sick of being stuck in that role, it'll be so much harder to get out of. They're starting an unfortunate, downhill precedent.

So, yeah. Hope that's some food for thought.